The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
