May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
