i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
