either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
