I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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