she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
