So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
