new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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