member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
