sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
