how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
