so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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