Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
