dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
