she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
