hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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