How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
