if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
