naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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