if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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