if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
