it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
