if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
