Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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