Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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