I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
