My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
