There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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