you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
