I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
