I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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