i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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