I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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