I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
