Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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