you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
