she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
