He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
