she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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