Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
