I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
