i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
