When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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