if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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