Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
