so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
