did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
