Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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