Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
