he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
