you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The air was thick with penises
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
