I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
